On Hurry

I sit in the car and wait for her every Thursday at 3:15.
Some days, she's there on time.  But most days, she saunters up, taking her sweet time to get in the car.
This particular 12 year old has become oh so close to my heart, but, boy, does she move slowly sometimes.
She opens the car door and lowers her backpack into the back seat.  We're late to flute lessons...again.  She unzips the bag and, at the speed of molasses, removes her snack and her book.  Running later by the minute, girl, I think, as my brain sets into that mustgetdown29atthespeedoflight gear.
I watch her settle into hear seat and buckle up tight.
And I wonder, was I that way once, too?

At what point in our lives do we develop our sense of hurry?  When do we become so vulnerable to that feeling where your heart tightens up and your brain starts spinning oh-so-rapidly?  I can't remember when it started, but I know it hasn't been there all along.  My heart yearns for the sweet days when I was blissfully unaware of time's all-too-fast pace.

But for now, in this season, I am at UVa.  And time here--goodness gracious--moves along so quickly.  And if you don't fill every second of every day with utmost productivity, you're doing it all wrong. There's no time to root yourself in the present and take it all in.  "Pausing" and "resting" are not words you can put on a resume and therefore they have no place in our vocabulary.

And I hate that.  You know, we're not created to live life at a speed that will break the sound barrier.  How are you supposed to build relationships and create meaningful experiences if you don't slow down every once in awhile?  When I make my schedule each morning (yes, I make an hour-by-hour schedule for each and every day) and don't fit in time to be still or invest in the people around me, what does that say?  Even if I do fit in a lunch date with someone, I feel like I'm reducing them to a bullet point on a scrap piece of paper.  I so want to be present.  But if I'm constantly hurrying through a to-do list, all that's on my mind is crossing the present moment off so that I can move on to the next task.

Now doesn't that sound like a horrid way to live?  At this point, I don't know how to make the feeling of unending hurry to go away.  But I do know it's wrong.

My Thursday routine started so that I could be the one helping this family out--I help with driving, homework, meals, etc.  It's funny though because God has underlying purposes for every aspect of our life.  I'd say there's a large chance my Thursday routine actually started so that these children can help me.  Maybe instead of getting flustered over being late for flute lessons, I should take a second and learn from this precious 12-year-old; I should remember to breathe...remember that it's okay to get there when you get there sometimes.  It's okay to be slow sometimes.  It's okay to pause to wonder sometimes.  It's okay to play sometimes.  It's okay to rest sometimes.A time for everything, right?  Well, thinking all of this is one thing; living like it's true...that's an entirely different matter.  But if I make any progress, I'll be sure to let you know.