The Log in My Eye

Do you ever get that feeling that God has hit you with a sledgehammer? Like you just get this idea and it leaves you dizzy for the rest of the day? I definitely got hit yesterday. Okay maybe God doesn't use sledgehammers; He just uses those MASSIVE Bibles that would hurt equally as bad as a sledgehammer. But that's not the point. As of late, some of the relationships in my life are just not the way they should be. For whatever reason, they're breaking, and I've been quick to let the tension get the best of me. I shut myself in my room and text my mom to vent about how I'm so mad because of fill-in-the-blank. The anger and bitterness have been building and building and building, and it's just not okay anymore. So today, I journaled out my heart a little bit and then decided to pray about it. And that's when the sledgehammer hit me. You know that verse in Matthew 7? The one in the section about not judging others? Matthew 7:5 says, "Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye." Oh, that's right...a log...in my eye...I forgot about that part. I absolutely love the Message translation of this verse:

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

Be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. I haven't seen my sneer, but I know what it looks like. It looks like no, I cannot listen to your stories of today--can't you see I'm busy reading? I avoid eye contact and nod along. It looks like no, I don't want to come visit you this weekend...I'm too busy with my friends and school work. So another week passes without talking face to face. It looks like hiding a bitter, Martha heart under a Mary mask and a sigh. It looks like stress, comparison, competition, jealously, tension. Goodness...it looks so...ugly.

It is too easy to get stuck looking at the splinter in someone else's eye. And we are ignorant enough to focus on that and think that there's no log in ours. This realization broke me today. I've been playing "holier-than-thou" instead of just living my part. I've gotten so worked up over someone else's splinter. You know I love the whole "imparting grace" theme. I try my best to impart grace through clean speech and through holding my tongue even when I feel like my heart is bursting with anger. But so many times, I get so caught up in "being graceful" that I forget that I need grace, too. I forget that I fail to love hundreds of times each day. I forget that I sin in more ways than I care to notice. The true grace happens when I realize that I'm only capable of giving grace because I've received it in abundance. It is through Christ I am graceful. It is through Christ that I can attempt to remove the log from my own eye. It is Christ who washes my face. I just have this feeling that as he helps me to remove the log from my eye piece by piece, he will give me eyes more like his. And, suddenly, other people's splinters will look so much smaller.