November 14, 2011
November 14th
A few weeks ago, I got extremely frustrated. This semester has been emotionally exhausting for me, and one of the reasons why is because I feel like I'm having a hard time connecting on deeper levels. I feel like I'm all over the place and there is no one who truly knows every single part of me. Like yea, I can have deep conversations with others. But people know different parts of me- no one knows it all. And it bothered me a lot. So I wrote a notecard that said, "Truths for the week: God knows all of me. God understands me. God loves me fully and eternally. Always." The frustration of that week has subsided and been shoved under the mat by bigger concerns, but today my devo brought a little reminder of that truth: Bask in the luxury of being fully understood and unconditionally loved. I read it, then glanced up at my notecard and read the same truth I had convinced myself of a few weeks ago. It's like muscle memory--you have to do something, hear something-believe something-a million times over before it actually becomes part of you. So today, I am thankful for that repetition and also for the fact that I am fully known.
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Hi sweet Chaz,
ReplyDeleteI love the honesty of your writing, and I know how you feel about being known. Somebody who knows all your dark secrets and understands why you're the way you are. Somebody who sees the dark voids inside you and fills them up.
I'd like to tell you that someday somebody will fill that need, but I'd be lying. Everybody else will let us down, and I think that need is designed to drive us into the arms of Jesus.